Here are my first impressions of this years competitors in the Eurovision Song Contest.These 8 will conclude the first Semi Final on Tuesday 12th May.
Bulgaria 7/100
We haven't seen backing dancers on stilts since 1990. This castrati dressed as a Crusader will not break through to the final for Bulgaria this year.
Iceland 14/100
Kelly Clarksondottir bores a continent to tears with this effort... Who cares what Iceland sends to Eurovision... unless it's the £1.3trillion they sucked out of our economy and spent on 4x4s, I'm not interested... GIVE US BACK OUR MONEY!
Macedonia 55/100
Twin Macedonian Jon Bon Jovi-alikes. Could imagine this on the soundtrack of a mid 80s John Hughes movie. Perhaps over the closing credits, but definitely good enough.
Romania 74/100
Balkan Girls like to party like nobody likes to party... The 'Kiss-Kiss'-esque hip wobbling Turkish vibe has been the compulsory element in every solo female singer's entry since Sertab Erener won Eurovision in 2003. This song does not buck the trend and is upbeat, lively, catchy and will be big on the night. Another top 5 finish looms for Romania I think.
Finland 48/100
An ibiza floor-filler, this will be number one in 42 European countries this Summer. This sort fo song has never won Eurovision though and never will as ravers tend to be out on a Saturday night rather than phoning in for their favourite Eurovision track!
Portugal 54/100
Portuguese Mamma Cass basically reprises last years Portuguese entry which saw them qualify for the final for the first time in 10 years. Sweet and distinct and has a good draw.
Malta 32/100
In 1998 she was third… In 2004, second… Can Malta's answer to Celine Dion pull off the victory that Malta is sooooooooooo desperate for? Not with this; easily her weakest effort.
Bosnia Herzegovina 13/100
Last year Bosnia had an Emo hiding in a laundry basket who climbed out to sing about his incestous love for his sister who was hanging out shirts on a washing line. She in turn convinced him through the medium of song to turn his attentions to a banana while four backing singers dressed as brides looked on mournfully... This years 'Chemical Romance' meets a Balalika fusion comes nowhere near those giddy heights of Eurovision perfection. Sad.
What is interesting about this first semi-final is that I can only see six clear finalists yet 10 of these songs will go through. Also, even the up-tempo songs are missing that magic X factor ingredient. This is clearly the worst batch of Eurovision songs for a while... Does that mean there is hope for the UK entry?!?!?!
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