Walking Font Of Some Knowledge

I have practised the art of pretending to know everything so well that some people automatically assume that I know the answers to their questions.

No matter where I am in the World, no matter what colour shape or size the locals, no matter what language is spoken in the locale, people always ask me for directions. This was perhaps most strange when I was asked once for directions by a Japanese guy in Kyoto. Evebn stranger then that with my trusty Lonely Planet, I was able to answer him!

Today I was standing outside Paddy's Market in Sydney, waiting for my cousins, when two guys stop in front of me.

"Excuse me, we are from Brisbane". Says chap number one while his mate grins, clearly with no clue of what has just been said. It is fairly obvious, fairly quickly that this pair may have flown through Brisbane on their way to Sydney, but on a flight originating in Beijing.

"OK" I reply, wishing Matt would hurry up .

"Where is China In Your Hand?"

"Sorry, I didn't hear what you said" was all I could think of to say while I gathered my thoughts. I had been listening to T'Pau's one hit wonder earlier in the morning. As I did so I did wonder if I was the only person out of the Earth's 6,800,000,000 population to be listening to the song at that precise moment, and I had decided I probably was. To hear the song referred to again was a touch unsettling and had taken me by surprise.

"Where is China National Bank?"

"Oh" So I was the only person thinking about Carol Decker's contribution to music today after all. "I don't know. I'm from London myself".

"STARBUCKS" Shouts chap number two with unexpected force and volume.

"I haven't seen one yet."

"Maybe they not in Australia" said chap number one glumly and they walked off, clearly wondering what kind of backward country he had come to that couldn't supply his Frappucino needs.