The Lonely Planet guide waxes lyrical about the 1.5km of beautiful beach that runs from Ulcinj to the Albanian border.They wax lyrical about the 150m depth of the beach sandwiched picturesquely between pristine forest and the lustrously clean turquoise water.
They wax lyrical about it being one of only a handful of sandy beaches on the Adriatic.
They do not mention that on any given weekend day in August, EVERYONE in Montenegro, Albania, Bosnia and Southern Serbia also rocks up to sample the above mentioned qualities.
I walked the whole length of that 1.5km in both directions... Did I see a single free sun lounger of the thousands that covered the ENTIRE surface of the beach? No.
Did I get a chance to find even a teeny gap in the seething mass of Slavic humanity to dip a toe in the Sea? No.
Did I (even at 6ft tall) feel like a midget compared to all the Balkan men? Yes
Was I the palest human being with 20 miles of the beach? Yes
As the only male human on the beach to have a single strand of body hair anywhere other than on my head was I made to feel like someone who had turned up for an audition to be Chewbacca in the wrong place? Yes yes and yes again.
The only place in Central Europe that could have been busier and more miserable than this in August would be Prague.
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